How writing changed my life…

September 2, 2014 · About Me, The writer's journey

With the move to Canada being only two sleeps away, I wanted to share my experiences around the impact writing has had on my life.

For anyone who’s ever been labelled a ‘good girl’ would know, playing by the rules (other people’s rules) can sometimes be a suffocating and unrewarding experience. I’ve been following the rules my entire life.

I always did well at school, I studied what I was told was the ‘sensible choice’ and I worked hard to get a career in what I thought was the ‘right thing to do’. Nearly seven years later I was burnt out, unhappy in my job and feeling that my creativity was all but extinguished. Except I was still the ‘good girl’ – I performed well, was rewarded and was chasing a promotion because I thought that’s what I should be doing.

Then I started writing.

happiness

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No matter how stressful my work day, no matter how unsatisfied I felt, sitting down to write made me feel free. I’ve had a lot of people ask how I manage to fit writing in while working a full time job, running a house etc. The answer is that I love it so much I simply can’t think of anything else I’d rather be doing. When Harlequin called me in December 2013 to offer me a two-book contract I was in shock. I’d been told that hardly anyone sells their first manuscript, I’d been told that it could take years to get a publisher to pick up my work. It took seven months from the time I submitted.

Now, I don’t say this to brag. I say this to encourage aspiring authors. You CAN do it. I started the same way many writers do: with a passion for reading and a desire to tell a story. I don’t have any qualifications in creative writing, I don’t come from a family of writers. I just sat down and started with Chapter One.

Now,  I have three books coming out with Harlequin Mills and Boon and I’ve recently signed a contract for a novella with Entangled Publishing. I’m also moving to Canada with my husband. I’ve quit my day job and I’m going to concentrate on my writing for the next two years. Sure, I’ll still have to work a part time job for a little financial certainty. But my work won’t be my first priority, my writing will be.

I had to stop being a ‘good girl’ and start being me.

I was lucky enough to work with an incredible mentor in my office job over the last few years. She told me that I needed to stop apologising for going after the things that I want. I listened to her, and it was possibly the best thing I’ve ever done. If it wasn’t for my writing I would never have had the confidence in myself to break away from what I thought I should be doing. Now, I’m about to embark on a scary and exciting new life adventure, all because I sat down one day and let the words flow.

Someone asked me recently what steps I took to make these changes and there’s no real easy answer to that. It was a multitude of factors, but the following is a list of things that I felt were key in helping me get to the point where I could go after what I wanted:

  • Firstly, I needed to let go of the idea that my family would be disappointed in me if I chose an alternative path in life. Their love for me isn’t defined by my professional success, though it was a thought that had held me back because me parents had paid for my schooling, helped me through university etc.
  • I had to zero in on what was most important to me and be honest about it. Was making a lot of money important or was the chance to have a creative, fulfilling job more important? It’s easy to say ‘money doesn’t matter’ but I was giving away a very well paying job and this impacted no only me but my husband. We still have to pay the bills at the end of the day.
  • That leads me to my third point, I had to talk it out with my husband. It was a decision that affected us both. He needed to be involved.
  • I had to ask myself if I truly believed I could do it. This wasn’t an easy question to answer, I’ve never been a super confident person and over the years I’ve doubted my ability on many things. But I wasn’t going to take a leap unless I could look myself in the eye and say ‘I believe in you’
  • I was willing to deal with the challenges of someone following their dream: being self-reliant, dealing with people who are not as happy for you as you expect, dealing with people who criticize your choice/what you write/how you live your life. It’s all worth it to do what makes me happy.

I don’t know how helpful that is because I didn’t really ‘do’ anything. The steps leading up to making the switch were more emotional/mental changes rather than physical ones, but they were big changes and I couldn’t be happier.

14 Responses to “How writing changed my life…”

  1. A great post, Stefanie. All the best for your move to Canada. I know we’ll be seeing a lot more of you!

  2. Lauren James says:

    This is a great post, Stefanie. I’m so proud of you and all the decisions you’ve made to follow your dream. Your attitude and hard work has inspired me and I hope to follow in your footsteps. I want to be as brave as you!

    This move is going to be so great for you and I look forward to hearing all about it.

    I’ll miss you! *hugs*

  3. Great post Stefanie – now go forth and conquer!!!

  4. Alana says:

    This post is great. All the best for the move to Canada. I have been reading your blog since you were writing at The Lip Print. I just finished Only The Brave Try Ballet. I couldn’t put it down. What a fantastic read, I loved it. Looking forward to the next one :)

  5. Celina says:

    You’re so inspiring Stef :) I wish I has your strength, this post was such a joy to read :)

    • Stefanie says:

      Thanks Celina, you have plenty of strength! You’ve done fantastic things with Fables in Fashion, I know how tough it is to balance the creative stuff with a demanding job. ps. I’m loving your OOTD pics!

  6. Savannah Blaize says:

    Stefanie, I really enjoyed your post. Being a newbie in the RWG we have not known each other long. However, I have been a fan since joining the group and reading your first book. It was such a fun and enjoyable book to read.
    I am also one of the lucky few to be currently reading your second book, before it is even available for sale, and I am loving every chapter. You have a beautiful “voice”, which makes it easy and a pleasure to follow the adventures of the characters.
    I am so pleased you have followed your heart. You give the ” aspiring to be published” Authors in the group the courage to take that step into the unknown.
    I wish you every success. xxx

    • Stefanie says:

      Thanks Savannah, I’m so glad you enjoyed my books! The MRWG has a lot of very talented ladies, I know you all have the potential to do wonderful things with your writing x

  7. Amber says:

    I love this post, Stefanie! You’ve been on an amazing journey. I hope the move to Canada went smoothly. Toronto is a fabulous city!

    • Stefanie says:

      Thanks, Amber. It’s been so exciting and relatively smooth! Toronto is lovely and I’m having so much fun exploring the city.

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